


Bosom Buddies

by NiefThing



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: ?? - Freeform, Dating, Dirty Talk, Elderly Lesbians, Established Relationship, F/F, Humansona, Jewel (mentioned), M/M, Making Cashiers Uncomfortable, References to Musicals, Teenagers, Turtlecest, botanical gardens, oh god these tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:41:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27561676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiefThing/pseuds/NiefThing
Summary: Hortense and Patty have a date at the botanical gardens.
Relationships: Donatello/Leonardo (TMNT), Hortense/Patty (ROTTMNT)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	Bosom Buddies

**Author's Note:**

> Weird little oneshot written in a frenzy at 2AM, and edited over the past week or so.
> 
> Rated M just in case.
> 
> Keep an eyes out for references to Mame!

“Patty, for the last time, _stop touching my boobs_.”

Patty grinned cheekily. “That’s not what you said last night, Hortense dear.”

“ _Patty I swear to god—_ “

“So, uh, do you two want, like, the couple’s discount or the senior discount?” the red-faced teenager behind the till asked, clearly thrown off his rhythym by the dirty banter between two otherwise unassuming old ladies. ‘Patty’ laid a hand on the counter (the hand was a peculiar shade of green and only had three fingers, but maybe old people were just like that) and deposited a handful of rumpled bills. ‘She’ quirked her most charming grin at the cashier.

“Both please. This should be enough to cover it.”

The flustered teen took the cash without counting and slid two tickets across the counter. Patty took them and gave a cheery wave to the cashier, copping another feel as she tucked them into her partner’s breast pocket. ‘Hortense’ rolled her eyes.

“You are going to get us ejected for public indecency.”

“Relax, pumpkin,” Patty grinned, linking arms with her companion as they entered the first plaza of the local botanical gardens, “Do you _see_ how many lesbians there are here? They won’t even notice us.”

“Hmm, I suppose you’re right,” Hortense mused before pressing a kiss to Patty’s cheek, snickering at the affronted noise she made when lipstick left a mark. She outright laughed when Patty unlinked their arms to scrub furiously at the stain. “Don’t bother, darling. You’ll only get more later. This is a date, after all.”

“And you say _I’m_ the dirty one,” Patty shook her head and clucked her tongue, then gripped Hortense’s hand and pulled her towards the indoor exhibit. “C’mon, we gotta check on Jewel first, and then we can smooch in the roses or whatever it is people do on dates.”

“You have such a knack for romance,” Hortense deadpanned, shuffling a little in her heels to keep up, “I can totally see why I fell for you.”

“You know it,” Patty winked before coming to a halt just outside the indoor gardens. She turned completely and pulled Hortense into her arms, remaining firm through the token struggles and squeezing tighter when the hug was finally reciprocated.

They embraced for a long moment. “I love you,“ Patty murmured, and when they drew away, cupped Hortense’s chin and leaned their heads together to whisper, “ _Donnie_.”

“I love you too,” Don whispered back, taking a moment to admire Leo’s eyes, accentuated by the masterfully applied pink eyeshadow. Where _had_ Leo learned to blend so well?

“I know,” he said cheekily, pulling away completely and re-linking their arms, sinking back into his old-lady-sona as easily as ice melted into water, “Now let’s go. Our parking pass is only valid for the next two hours.”

\-----------

Jewel was looking great, and significantly less mutated than the last time they’d seen her, which was always wonderful. The plaque at the front of her exhibit detailed the resuscitation process that saved her, but neither of them spared the time to read it. Instead, they talked loudly about the benefits of hair implant surgery until the families crowding the area evacuated.

_“I’ve been meaning to tell you for years, you should keep your hair natural, like mine.”_

_“If I kept my hair natural like yours, I’d be bald”_

Once the area was free of witnesses, they jumped the guardrail and got in close to smell it, only for an alarm to sound. The scrambled back onto the observation area and tried to look unassuming as the whole building went into lockdown. While a surprisingly intimidating group of bootyshort-clad gardeners conducted an investigation, they snuck out an open window in the women’s restroom.

As luck would have it, the window dropped them squarely in the middle of the rose maze.

“Perfect!” Leo brushed the leaves off his skirt and clapped his hands together, “We wanted to go here anyway.”

Donnie stared at him incredulously from his seat on the floor. “Leo, this is _bad_.”

“Why?” Leo turned to him, looking confused.

“We’re in the middle of the maze.”

“Yeah.”

“And we didn’t walk here, so we don’t even know what direction we came from.”

“Uh-huh.”

Donnie sighed.

“We don’t even have a _map_.”

Leo blinked.

“We’re lost.”

“Oh.”

Don pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yeah. _Oh_.”

There was a beat of silence before Leo grabbed his hands and pulled him up. “Well then, better get going.”

Don stared at him. “You’re not serious.”

“Uh, yeah I am. How else are we going to get out of this maze?”

“Really?” Don just looked at him as he was pulled along in a random direction, “You’re not even a little worried about this? We’re lost, Leo.”

“It could be worse,” Leo countered, “I mean, we’re together, aren’t we?”

Don had to take a moment before he trusted himself to speak again. How had he gotten so lucky, to have a partner who so perfectly balanced him out, made sure he saw the best in every situation?

He wanted to tell Leo everything, about how much he admired Leo’s ability to turn a bad situation into good, to accentuate the positives, to wear a dress and sparkly eyeshadow and still look too damn sexy to be real, but he just couldn’t. Not now, anyways.

Instead, he cleared his throat, and said, “Yeah, I guess we are.”

\-----------

The maze is admittedly much larger than either of them had thought possible. They’d been walking for what seemed like hours when they happened upon a little grove with a fountain and a bench, where they stopped for a rest.

Leo kicked off his shoes and stretched his toes. “How do ladies wear those torture devices?” he complained, glaring balefully at the offending wedges.

“April says you just ignore it until it goes away.”

Leo snorted. “Just another reason I’m glad I’m not a human.”

“If you were human, you wouldn’t—nevermind,” Don sighed, leaning back to look at the fountain. It’s a nice fountain, but uncreative, just another Venus de Milo copy surrounded by jets of water spewing up in patterned intervals.

Leo followed his gaze. “Ah. Topless, armless lady. Venus de Milo?”

“Yeah.”

“Did one of our namesakes make it?”

“No. Some guy in Ancient Greece.”

“Ah.”

Leo contemplated for a moment.

“You’ve got a better rack than her.”

“Leo!”

“What? It’s a statue, it’s not like she’ll get offended.”

“It’s not—no,” Donnie pinched his nose again, “The Venus de Milo a great, historic work of art, Leo. You don’t just admire her boobs.”

“Maybe I think you’re a work of art,” Leo said, suddenly soft as he lifted Don’s chin.

“…sap.”

“You love it,” Leo countered, and got down to business doing what the had planned on doing in the roses.

It was just supposed to be light smooching, but smooching quickly turned into making out, and Leo pushed forward just a little too suddenly and Don slipped right off the bench.

Into the bush.

Directly into a hornet’s nest.

Leo’s wedges were abandoned in the ensuing chaos, as the two abruptly broke apart and dashed out of the courtyard, twisting and turning to get away from the looming swarm. Occasionally, they would skid to a halt, thinking they were safe, only to hear the menacing buzz come closer once again.

After what felt like a lifetime, they came to a halt. Hey waited with bated breath for the buzzing to come closer yet again, but it did not. The sound got fainter and fainter until it finally could not be heard anymore.

Donnie looked at Leo.

Leo looked at Donnie.

And everything crashed down on them, the adrenaline from the chase, their previous activity, the heaving of their chests from fleeing in terror.

They practically threw themselves at each other.

Leo remembered feeling vaguely like something was wrong, like something was missing, but the thought was obliterated when Donnie’s legs wrapped around him and _squeezed_. Whatever was being forgotten, Donnie certainly didn’t seem to mind, if his churrs and little cries for more were anything to go by.

Afterwards, though…

Donnie was laying on his back, staring up at the sky, Leo’s ardor cooling beside him, when he groaned. “I hate you.”

“That’s not a nice thing to say after we just had sex.”

“Without _lube_ , Leo! Oh god, I’m not going to walk for a week.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Leo joked, but faltered when Don fixed him with a glare, “Okay, okay. Here, let me help you up.”

He pulled Donnie up on shaky legs, feeling a little guilty when he winces at the movement. When he was certain Don could stand on his own, he let go and began to tenderly fix his askew clothes, righting his wig and scarf, unruffling the skirt, and redoing the buttons on his blouse. He stepped back to review his handiwork, smirking.

“I must say, Hortense, post-sex is a good look on you.”

“Save it,” Don says without bite taking a ginger step forward, “Let’s get home before the endorphins wear off.” Suddenly, his eyes widened, and he groaned. “We still don’t know how to get out of this maze. Damn it, Leo, I swear—“

Leo pressed a hand to his mouth, effectively quieting him. “I know the way out.”

Donnie blinked. “How?”

“I saw the entrance arch as we were running from the hornets.”

Don grit his teeth. “And you neglected to tell me this because…?”

“We were a little busy! And then we got busy, so…”

“Fine. Just—fine. Just, just get me back to the car.”

“Will do, Hortense, my darling, my dear, the love of my life.”

“Stop.”

They walked in silence for a while, a little slower than usual, until Leo happened to glance at his phone. He grinned.

“Hey, Hortense?”

“Yes, Patty?”

“We still have half an hour left on our parking pass.”

“We are _not_ staying in the gardens for another thirty minutes.”

“Not in the gardens, _buuut_ , we could stay in the car.”

“Why would we--?” Donnie turned and saw the lecherous look on Leo’s face, “Oh. Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously. Let’s say you sit that adorable tail on my face and let me get you nice and stretched for round two?”

Donnie froze, then seemed to mull it over. “You really think you can get me off twice more in half an hour?”

“Yeah, baby. C’mon, whattaya say?”

“…you had better not get us a ticket.”

Leo’s triumphant grin nearly split his face. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was something.
> 
> This was fun to write, if only for the concept of teenage boys cosplaying as an elderly lesbian couple.
> 
> As always, hope you enjoyed!


End file.
